I see things haven't changed much

Well hello there. And to those three diehards who keep checking this space daily to see if my hibernation is over - loves ya Mom, Dad and random stranger!

So it's been a season and a half since I've regaled humankind about ACC football and lo and behold, we still suck according to everyone at ESPN, Yahoo/Rivals, CFN, SEC blogs, most blogs, most message board posts (spelling/grammar very optional), Girl Scout troop 442-Brandon, FL and Lady Gaga (allegedly). And it is time for me to offer a rousing defense.

They're right. But so what.

For the 318th consecutive season, all ACC teams were eliminated from serious national title contention by week 3.

Coincidentally, for the 318th consecutive season, the ACC (thus far) has played a ridiculously unbalanced non-conference slate: ACC #8 Clemson at BCS #1 Ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifuburn; ACC #12 Duke hosting defending BCS champion and current BCS #7 Alabama; ACC #10 Wake Forest at BCS #13 Stanford....just to give you three games from one singular weekend (the enthralling yet inevitably soul-devouring Week 3).

What I wouldn't give to see a weekend where Florida State hosts Northwestern, Miami welcomes Vanderbilt, Virginia Tech entertains Colorado, NC State faces a suspension-depleted Washington in St. Louis....and, oh, let's say Georgia Tech makes an easy road trip to Kansas (wait...what? Retract).

This is not to defend the ACC's overall performance; the Jackets' afore-referenced facepalm in Lawrence is turning out to be one of the biggest non-conference gakks in recent memory (KU vs. three mediocre Big XII teams and North Dakota State = 34pt loss on average; KU vs. top-half ACC team and defending league champ = 3pt win). The Hokies' loss at home to James Madison (that's the 1-3 in the FCS Colonial league James Madison, mind you), despite all the "five days after the Boise loss blah blah blah" justification, was catastrophic for the conference as well since that Tech team is likely to win the dang league in the end. And the team the Hokies are likely to beat for that ACC crown, Florida State, endured a 47-17 dear-God-make-it-stop beating at Oklahoma; the same Oklahoma site where Utah State and Air Force took the Sooners to the wire in the weeks prior and after the FSU visit.

So yes, things have not changed all that much. The ACC keeps sabotaging itself through scheduling, through comically yet easily predictable poor play and tone-deaf self-promotion. At least I can pick up right where I left off.

Still, it is good to be back. For how long, I can't say. But the juices are flowing again.

Cataclysm Averted

Virginia Tech 20, Cincinnati 7

It certainly wasn't a thing of beauty, but it'll do...a 4-6 record in the bowl season, albeit very disappointing, looks light years better than 3-7. And the God-forsaken 1-9 thing in BCS games since it's inception is now a sterling 2-9. And in an interesting bit o' trivia, the two wins were over the two programs that payed in Miami last night; lest you forget, the first win was the Florida State victory over the-then Big East Hokies in that classic Sugar Bowl national title game in January 2000.

Thanks Hokies!

We Surrender

Sure, there are two games left in the ACC bowl season, but after the gargantuan pile of dung dropped today, it's quite evident that this has become a lost year for the ACC, impressive regular season be damned. To wit: LSU 35, Georgia Tech 3, halftime, in Atlanta, when Paul Johnson's brain was apparently surgically removed and replaced with the fried cerebral cortex of Crackhead Bob. Can one coach's heretofore sterling reputation be shredded in one single game? I say yes, based on what I've seen thus far. George O'Leary and Chan Gailey - heinous warts and all - never blew a game this badly, this early. This is an atomic bomb of a momentum killer for the Jackets.

Sure, Clemson and Virginia Tech may win their bowl games. But in all likelihood, they won't...and even if they win, there's nothing they'll do to counteract this New Year's Eve Catastrophe. No wonder I'm the only independent ACC football blogger; it's tough putting up with this bullshit over and over again.

EDIT - and there will be no previews of tomorrow's Gator and Orange Bowls. I don't give a crap anymore. Happy Damn New Year!

So things are not going very well...

3-4 so far in the bowls, with 3-7 looking far more likely than 6-4. A few thoughts...

--Wake 29, Navy 19 was what should've happened the first time in September, not in Deacs-Middies Redux. Nonetheless, a solid but less-than-sexy win over a not-to-be underestimated opponent (as Wake and Rutgers will attest to)

--West Virginia 31, UNC 30 is what started this little avalanche, I'm afraid. It was one of those evenly matched games that tends to tilt the whole conference's showing...what with Pat White having the game of his life and the Mountaineers still only winning by a point, you just kinda had that feeling that the breaks were not going to fall our way.

--FSU 42, Wisconsin 13 was entirely predictable to anyone not closely attached to the Seminole program (as those of us close to FSU are in a constant state of accepted-nihilism these days). First, it was sleek, southern football vs. grain-fed slow as curds flowing uphill mediocre Big Ten football. Second, FSU played like ass for the first half (as I thought they would) and still clunked it's way to a four-TD win (which I did not think would happen). So far, this is the shining beacon of the ACC bowl season. If that's still the case on Jan. 2, we gots problems.

--Cal 24, Miami 17 was fairly respectable, what with the Pac Ten's #4 team, basically playing at home, struggling vs. the ACC's 7th rated team that apparently had no idea that there's this kooky thing known as a "clock" in this sport. Still...close game, ACC loss. A pattern has now developed.

--Rutgers 29, NC State 23 was entirely predictable the moment Pack QB Russell Wilson was pulled due to injury, despite a 17-6 State halftime lead. Friggin Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, Matt Stafford, Graham Harrell, John Parker Wilson, Chase Daniel, etc seemingly haven't missed a down all year to injury...God forbid an ACC QB goes through a season without several major organs and appendages obliterated. Oh yeah - close game, ACC loss. P-to-the-A-to-the-TTERN.

--Maryland 42, Nevada 35 was entertaining and proved that the Fridge has one or two decent motivational tactics that he hasn't sold to Under Armor yet. The Terps led 28-13 at the half and 42-28 late so it wasn't exactly a nailbiter. A win is a win, but 42-21 would've been a little more impressive, no?

--Vanderbilt 16, BC 14 is something I should've picked automatically for five reasons: 1) Dominique Davis; 2) Dominique Davis; 3) Dominique Davis; 4) The Eagle D is a shell of itself after letting a lame VT offense crush them in the ACC title game; 5) the opponent was Vandy, in Nashville, in their first bowl since '82. And it was a close game, which apparently equates to loserville in ACC Bowl-land. And some of the calls in the game were of the "investigate officiating crew for possible wagering on the Commodores +3.5pts" variety. Still, in all the Vandy-love after this win, think anyone will mention they lost to Wake and Duke in the regular season? Hellz no.

I am not looking forward to tonight's Chick-fil-A home of yummy chicken strips and radioactive-yellow honey mustard Bowl. The Gator and Orange Bowls point toward destruction as well. Dammit.

What in the name of John W. Heisman...?

Georgia Tech 10, Gardner-Webb 7...early 4th quarter

Box score says that Calvin Booker is QB for the Jackets...and is highly ineffective. How 'bout a little Josh Nesbitt or Jaybo Shaw? I know they're both a bit banged up but this is a catastrophe-in-the-making and some serious relief is needed. And how is Jonathan Dwyer only rushing for 2.1 yards per carry against an average 1-AA/FCS squad?

This Is Bullshit

Family-friendly posting has now gone bye-bye. These are the current scores of the ACC games in progress:

-UNC 21 - McNeese State 20, 1:00 3rd Q
-Duke 14 - James Madison 7, Halftime
-Alabama 23 - Clemson 3, Halftime (with just 89 total f%cking yards!)
-Boston College 21- Kent State 0, 11:54 4th Q

Combined with the general shittiness of earlier today (USC 52-Virginia 7, ECU 27-Va Tech 22, Maryland 14-Delaware 7) I'm pissed as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.

The coaching in this league is one big pile of rotten ass outside of Jim Grobe, Jeff Jagodzinski, and Frank Beamer (although not today or last Jan. 3 or whenever I seem to watch the Hokies). And please excuse David Cutcliffe, Paul Johnson and their assistants from this rant as well - for now. Al Groh, Ralph Friedgen, Tommy Bowden and Tom O'Brien are borderline thieves when you consider the results they've delivered in comparison to the checks they cash. And Butch Davis is now on my shitlist with the turd the Heels are dropping against McNeese tonight; I guess 4-8 last year really was a shitty 4-8 and not the special 4-8 with sprinkles that I was deluded into believing. Randy Shannon is still the in-over-his-head-goober who lost 48-0 to Al Groh in the Orange Bowl finale last year. Even Bobby Bowden has irritated me today and his Noles didn't even play - but Joe Paterno just tied him in the Death Race, making up eight games in overall record over the last four years.

Too many of these millionaire coaches have either done nothing to deserve such riches, or are living off past - waaaaaaaay past - glory. The boosters of the schools with these shitty coaches had better demand more bang for their buck or else this same bullshit will rain down year after year after year.

Good night. Oh who the hell am I kidding, another beer. And then another salty and perhaps more profane rant if I can find the keyboard.

Greensboro, We Have A Problem

Even if Clemson beats Alabama tonight, the ACC is in for a long and massive PR beating this season. And it almost goes without saying that if the Tigers lose to the Tide, the ACC is effectively DOA from week one. But I'm getting ahead of myself with that.

Virginia Tech's loss to East Carolina was something a lot of people saw coming (myself included but only when the Hokies decided to redshirt Tyrod Taylor last week), and Virginia getting smashed by USC (it's 21-0 Trojans approximately 9 seconds into the game) is not all that surprising. NC State's loss at South Carolina was generally expected as well, although the misleading 34-0 score doesn't help at all in terms of perception.

The problem is that the ACC couldn't throw anyone for a loop and do something unexpectedly right. And that points to disaster in the coming weeks. And by disaster I mean that East Carolina is probably going to go 3-0 vs. the ACC this year (they play @Virginia and @NC State in the next few weeks). Forget the expected beatdowns that are likely to come in September (Miami @ Florida, Cal @ Maryland, USF @ NC State); Big East-reject East Carolina will likely go 3-0 vs. the ACC this year. That will be the epitaph on the ACC 2008 tombstone unless some gigantic and/or plentiful upsets occur in the conference's favor.

Perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit. College football is the most bipolar sport around, since things can change so quickly from week to week and since every single quarter of every single game matters. But over the last two years, ACC teams have typically surprised us only in negative ways and rarely offer the unexpected jolt or shocker on the positive side. And now we're at the point that not going 0-3 vs. East Carolina will be a welcome surprise. At least it only took me four hours into the first Saturday to realize that 2008 is shaping up to be a rinse-and-repeat of '06 & '07.

Uncle

To the rest of college football, we in the ACC submit to your will. We now respectfully request that you stop hurting us for a while.

And so it ends as it began. 2007 started off horrifically for the league and ended just as badly. It'll take me a few days to ponder the flotsam of the ACC bowl season before I'm ready to analyze what happened and perhaps why.

In the meantime, lets just be thankful that it's over.

ACC Football 2007 (and Michigan/Notre Dame Too)

The radioactive fallout from the last two weeks may take a while to dissipate. 2006 now seems rather pleasant.

Good night.

Oh No, We Suck Again!

OK, perhaps not. 'Tis a bit early for that. But aside from Miami and Georgia Tech, the ACC did precious little to distinguish itself yesterday in non-conference play.

North Carolina and Maryland both comfortably dispatched 1-AA opponents, unlike some poor schmoes. Nonetheless, neither the Tar Heels nor Terps were overly impressive.

Duke is Duke. Losing to UConn was expected. Losing in this fashion was not.

The abomination that is Virginia was discussed here.

Virginia Tech's uneven performance can be forgiven for obvious reasons, but they are in a heap of trouble next week if Sean Glennon and the OL don't rapidly absorb some sort of basic competence.

And NC State. That was not at all helpful. All that offseason pent-up enthusiasm over the start of the Tom O'Brien Era got sucked right out of Carter-Finley Stadium approximately 4 minutes into the season with UCF up 10-0.

After just one week, our dear ACC is already comfortably entrenched at the bottom of the BCS pile in the out-of-conference record department:

SEC (9-1, .900)
Big East (7-1, .875)
Pac 10 (6-2, .750)
Big Ten (8-3, .727)
Big XII (7-4, .636)*Texas Tech plays SMU on Monday
ACC (5-3, .625)

Considering the ACC has LSU (VT), Louisville (NCSU), Oklahoma (Miami), Nebraska (Wake), West Virginia (UMd), Rutgers (UMd), Alabama (FSU), Colorado (FSU), Texas A&M (Miami), and USF (UNC) on the out-of-conference slate just this month, a large scale disaster of epic porportions is quite possible. Likely? Nah. But get used to seeing the ACC at the bottom of those non-conference record standings.

They Play Some Wicked Checkers in Laramie

Cowpokes 23, Hoos 3

Five first downs. Six rushing yards. 109 yards of total offense.

Two turnovers. Just two. You'd think that kind of beatdown to Wyoming would've been the result of a Mississippi State-esque turnover virus. But it wasn't. The Cowboys simply dominated the Cavaliers because they were, well, better. Not in talent, mind you. No sir. The Family Groh is why the Wahoos slink back to Charlottesville a humiliated football team.

Well done, Al. Bravo. Send a giftbasket to Lloyd Carr tomorrow because it took the upset of all-time to save you from turning in the worst performance by a BCS conference coach this weekend.


A generous contract buyout should temper that anger

Thoughts On A Season

So another season of ACC football is in the bag, and quite frankly that is where this 2006 campaign should stay. It was most certainly the worst season for the conference since the addition of Florida State in 1992; no team had fewer than 3 losses, the league went just 25-22 in 1-A out of conference matchups (6-16 vs. BCS conference teams), and the two flagship programs - FSU and Miami - both teetered on the brink of losing seasons before finishing 7-6.

It was one thing for both the Noles and Canes to struggle at the same time, but that no other program really took advantage of it to stake a claim as a new power in the league is cause for concern. Yes, Wake Forest made the most of this year's disarray and won the conference, but as great as Jim Grobe is, the Demon Deacons simply are not going to compete year in and year out. Clemson, Georgia Tech and to a lesser extent Boston College all blew solid chances at seizing control of the conference. With the coaching changes going on in Tallahassee and Coral Gables, and with Virginia Tech returning much of their 10-win team for next year, the ACC race will likely fall back into the hands of the Big 3.

Now that the year's over, here's my obligatory categorization of certain teams, players, coaches and storylines of the season.....

Biggest Surprise: Wake Forest. No explanation necessary.

Biggest Disappointment: Not Florida State or Miami. That's too easy, and you can't find a single program in America over the last 10 years that didn't have an "off" year like the Noles and Canes just had. Instead, I'm pegging both Clemson and Georgia Tech as the biggest duds of the season. With FSU, Miami and even Virginia Tech a bit down, these two programs were in prime position to take control of the league. Instead, they both lost 5 games and will finish unranked.

Best Game: Boston College 34, Clemson 33 (2OT)

Worst Game: Georgia Tech 7, North Carolina 0

Most Shocking Game: Wake Forest 30, Florida State 0 - in Tallahassee

Best Coaching Job: Jim Grobe. No explanation necessary.

Worst Coaching Job: John Bunting, North Carolina. After 6 years on the job, and some great recruiting classes, he entered late November with zero wins over 1-A competition for the season. Sure, he beat NC State and Duke to close out the year, but that was a month after he was already fired.

Player of the Year: Gaines Adams, Clemson. A one-man defensive force, largely responsible for two of the Tigers' wins - his FG block and return against Wake Forest sparked their 4th quarter comeback, and his constant harassment of NC State QB Daniel Evans helped lead the Tigers to a 20-14 victory when their offense did jack squat. And he also led the league in sacks and finished #3 nationally in that category.

Freshman of the Year: Riley Skinner, Wake Forest. When you're a freshman and lead Wake Freaking Forest to the ACC title, you automatically get named freshman of the year.

Most Disappointing Player of the Year: Reggie Ball, Georgia Tech. Unquestionably.

Coach on the Hot Seat for 2007: Bowden. Tommy Bowden. The disgraceful collapse to end '06 is going to leave a sting all offseason. More on that in a future column. Al Groh's hind end might feel a little toasty next year as well.

Team on the Rise for 2007: Florida State. With the new coaching talent both known and rumored to be coming in, all I can say is WOW. More on that in a future column.

Team on the Decline for 2007: Quite frankly, no one. Half of the conference teams had their worst seasons in recent memory, and the other half look to be in about the same boat for 2007.

New Head Coach Most Likely to Make a Quick Turnaround: Butch Davis, North Carolina. The facilities and resources are there. There's some great talent too. Just wait 'til he hits the recruiting trail.

New Head Coach Most Likely to Struggle: Jeff Jagodzinski, Boston College. No offense to BC fans, but you all basically ran off a guy who went 28-9 the last three seasons, won 7 straight bowls and raised the profile of the program high enough to warrant the move to the ACC. Your new guy has no head coaching experience and has been out of the college game for eight years. I understand O'Brien lacked "the social skills" at times, and never had that one breakthrough conference-winning-type year, but come on.....y'all had it pretty good.

Best New Conference Rivalry: Boston College-N.C. State. This year's game already had both sides jawing at each other, and now that Tom O'Brien bolted the Eagles for the Wolfpack, this Atlantic Division matchup will be must-see for years to come.

Biggest Storyline Heading Into 2007: The infusion of new coaches into the league. Boston College, Miami, North Carolina, and N.C. State will all be sporting new head coaches and staffs, while Florida State will field almost an entirely new coaching staff, save for the stalwart Bobby Bowden and defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews.


It's been fun this year, despite the incredibly disappointing season. I've enjoyed getting to know some fellow bloggers and I've enjoyed the feedback I've received regarding this blog. Thanks for reading, and I'll still be posting all through the offseason.

BREAKING NEWS: ACC Football relegated to NAIA status

After careful consideration of a large collection of evidence, some of which is outlined below, the NCAA voted to expel Atlantic Coast Conference football from their entire collegiate affiliation this evening. The National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) agreed to add the conference to it's membership on the condition that "none of that bullcrap displayed in 2006 is repeated next year", as stated in the NAIA press release picked up off the wires just 30 minutes ago.

EVIDENTIARY HIGHLIGHTS, RE: NCAA's DECISION TO EXPEL ACC FOOTBALL
Exhibit 06-001
The ACC's 2006 overall out-of-conference record vs. 1-A competition: 21-18

Exhibit 06-002
The ACC's 2006 out-of-conference record vs. BCS conference teams: 4-12
*Addendum: 3 of the 4 wins were by Wake Forest

Exhibit 06-019
Number of teams in the BCS Top 10 as of 11/26/06: 0

Exhibit 06-020
Number of teams in the BCS Top 20 as of 11/26/06: 2
*Addendum: That's out of 12 league teams, folks

Exhibit 06-024
For providing aid, comfort, and evidence to that certain motley group of SEC fanatics who neither attended the campus of their team of choice, nor could actually find said campus on a map. That collective, when previously presented with actual hard evidence that the ACC was quite competitive with the SEC, usually closed their somewhat intoxicated arguments with a confounded "You can stick your 'facts' up your ass, you pansy son of a bitch". Now, they are able to retort smugly with "ACC 2006", and ACC defenders are mandated to shut the hell up.

Exhibit 06-044
The sociopathic aversion to anything resembling "offense" in the league. Eight of the conference's 12 teams are ranked lower than 85th in total offense. Just two ACC clubs are currently ranked in the top 60. Only one is ranked in the Top 40.
*Addendum: Before you even ask, half of the ACC teams ranked lower than 40th in total defense, so yes, offense in the ACC in '06 was an abomination any way you look at it

Exhibit 06-067
The Georgia Tech program - the Coastal Division winner - for their criminal mishandling of Calvin Johnson, and for the slow death spiral that is Reggie Ball's career.

Exhibit 06-072
The Clemson program, for their evolution from early-season choke artists to their new and improved reputation as late-season gaggers.

Exhibit 06-073
The Florida State program, for all the soap opera horsecrap with the otherwise unemployable boss's kid.

Exhibit 06-079
Miami.

Exhibit 06-080
Duke.

Exhibit 06-084
The obvious extortion and blackmail on the part of John Bunting against the athletic department at UNC. Only hard evidence of the foulest, most perverse, and horrific misdeeds performed inside that department could have warranted such an incompetent boob returning as head coach for this '06 season. The fact that the UNC security force was apparently able to locate said evidence and destroy it, thereby resulting in Johnny Cakes' termination in October, does not mitigate the gravity of this scandal.

Exhibit 06-087
Chuck Amato.

Exhibit 06-092
The collective shrug that accompanies any mention of Maryland, Boston College or Virginia football.

Exhibit 06-099
Karma's a bitch, suckers.
*Addendum: exhibit submitted by Big East commish Mike Tranghese

Remaining on John Swofford's Office Wall

As I revealed here two weeks ago, my inside sources informed me that John Swofford had placed an order with one of those corporate-motivational-poster companies to encompass his pride in his new and expanded ACC.

Allow me to redisplay his coveted framed piece here once more, because it sadly rings very true.....



Please note the subtitle of the piece -- "Possibly Better Than The Sun Belt". To the ACC's credit, I think we can remove "possibly" from that thought, but just barely.

Three different ACC clubs have played three different Sun Belt squads in 4 separate games so far this season - all at the ACC team's home field. The results are as follows:

Florida State 24 - Troy 17
Maryland 24 - Middle Tennessee 10
Georgia Tech 35 - Troy 20
Maryland 14 - Florida International 10

Since those matchups noted above, Troy managed to hold Nebraska to just eight touchdowns in a 56-0 squeaker, while Middle Tennessee played toe-to-toe with Oklahoma for approximately four minutes last Saturday in a 59-0 nailbiter. The combined margin of victory of the ACC schools over the Sun Belt schools (40) did not quite match Oklahoma's margin over Middle Tennessee in the first half of their matchup (45).

And the Big XII is supposedly having a "down" year on par with the ACC?

Alas, if your ACC spirit hasn't yet been stomped into powdery despair, tune in Thursday for the week 5 preview.

R.I.P. ACC Football

What is there to say? A league once so full of promise, having recently been enriched, has now suffered an untimely demise. The causes are not yet known but will be investigated right here on this page in the upcoming weeks and months.

All kidding aside, the results of last weekend have led me to just scrap my usual weekly recap. Each ACC club basically boils down to four different categories, and their results usually follow suit: the good (Virginia Tech, Boston College, Clemson), the well-meaning mediocre (Georgia Tech, Maryland, Wake Forest), the incompetently mediocre (Florida State, Miami) and the sucktacular (NC State, North Carolina, Virginia, Duke).

Just how bad is the league this year? For starters, the ACC's out of conference record stands at a paltry 15-9 (.625), with seven of those matchups - and one of the defeats - against 1-AA schools. But numbers don't do it justice...a list of the opponents should make it a bit clearer as to the gravity of the situation (* indicates 1-AA opponent).

Out-of-conference wins
Appalachian State*, 23-10 (NCSU)
BYU, 30-23 2OT (BC)
@Central Michigan, 31-24 (BC)
@Connecticut, 24-13 (Wake)
Florida Atlantic, 54-6 (Clemson)
Florida A&M*, 51-10 (Miami)
Furman*, 45-42 (UNC)
Middle Tennessee, 24-10 (UMd)
Northeastern*, 38-0 (VT)
Samford*, 38-6 (GT)
Syracuse, 20-10 (Wake)
Troy, 35-20 (GT)
Troy, 24-17 (FSU)
William & Mary*, 27-14 (UMd)
Wyoming, 13-12 OT (UVA)

A real murderer's row. Not one ranked team, just a single 1-A team with a winning record (Middle Tenn.), and six of the wins over 1-AA foes. And let's not forget Troy, Furman, Wyoming, BYU, and Central Michigan all came thisclose to pulling off ginormous upsets. The best win would appear to be BC's 2-OT home victory over 1-2 BYU. But the losses are what I find much more telling....

Out-of-conference losses
Akron, 17-20 (NCSU)
@Louisville, 7-31 (Miami)
Notre Dame, 10-14 (GT)
@Pitt, 13-38 (UVA)
Richmond*, 0-13 (Duke)
Rutgers, 16-21 (UNC)
@Southern Miss, 17-37 (NCSU)
@West Virginia, 24-45 (UMd)
Western Michigan, 10-17 (UVA)

See if you can detect a similarity among 4 of the above clubs.....that's right, 4 of those teams all come from a certain conference that just so happened to have been ransacked by the ACC just three short years ago. And three of those 4 losses to the Big Beast this year are what I would classify as the de-pantsing variety.

A quick rundown of the other major conferences' out-of-league records reveals the following:

Big Ten: 27-6 (.818)
Big East: 13-5 (.722)
Pac-10: 18-7 (.720)
SEC: 15-6 (.714)
Big XII: 25-11 (.694)

None of the above leagues aside from the Big XII has faced more than four 1-AA opponents each. Each league but the Big XII has at least one signature win as well (Big Ten- Ohio State over Texas, Michigan over Notre Dame; Big East- Louisville over Miami; Pac 10- USC over Nebraska, Oregon "over" Oklahoma; SEC- Tennessee over Cal).

So that clearly leaves the ACC and Big XII in a plummet to last in the major conference standings. And just based on winning percentage and having a conference member getting shut-out by a 1-AA school, I think the ACC went splat first.

Whatever voodoo Big East commish Mike Tranghese levied against the ACC, 'tis working. Payback is a bitch.

Allow Me Some Time To Grieve

A weekend recap will be coming in the next day or so, but for the time being I am mourning the Death of ACC Football. These past three weeks ain't no fluke, folks.

And as a Seminole alum and fan, I will be doing some double-duty grieving as it has finally become apparent that Bobby Bowden's coaching career is flatlining. I love the man, but it's time he stop taking care of his incompetent son on the taxpayer dole, and it's time for him to enjoy his remaining years with Ann and the grandkids.

Surveying The Damage: A Week 2 Review

After just two short weeks o' football, I feel that the empirical evidence compiled thus far concludes but one thing - my beloved ACC stinks like a whorehouse at low tide. The case:

Wake Forest 14, Duke 13
Only a comedy of errors by the Blue Devils prevented this one from being a Duke rout (yes, I actually said a Duke rout, in reference to football). A fumble at the Wake 1-yard line that went out of the end zone for a touchback.....dropped balls on easy wide-open passes....Duke penalties on defense, right after a tidy INT return....a missed 27-yard field goal...a blocked 28-yard field goal at the gun. Wake didn't win; Duke blew this one. This was the worst coaching performance of Jim Grobe's tenure at Wake. The Deacons should've buried Duke but instead were saved by the Devils themselves.

Virginia Tech 35, North Carolina 10
Apparently 19 INTs in 2004 while at Nebraska wasn't a fluke for UNC QB Joe Dailey, whose real identity as internal saboteur was uncovered quickly in his second go-around at a major conference program. Two horrific picks against the Hokies destroyed Carolina scoring drives, leaving the much improved Heel defense in a major hole for much of the game. Hokies' QB Sean Glennon was a tad shaky, but was bailed out by the Hokie running game and special teams. Yes, they blocked a kick. Water is wet, the sky is blue, Tech blocks kicks. Rinse and repeat.

Akron 20, NC State 17
My oh my how the Wolfpack deserved to lose this one, just on principle alone. Down 14-10 with a minute to play, the Pack punched it into the endzone to take the lead, and then went berserk like a peewee football squad at a post-game Chuck E Cheese party, drawing the dreaded 15-yard celebration penalty. Approximately 0.78 game seconds later, the very accurately named Zips stood at the Pack 1-yard line, and seemingly ran it in to win at the gun, 20-17. The miracle of photography has since indicated that perhaps Akron didn't actually score, but the damage was already done. State celebrated far too much for taking the lead against Akron, and then let Akron march down the field like Sherman through Atlanta in about 3 nanoseconds. Chuck Amato has met his Waterloo, and thy name is Zip.

ah hell, close enough

Boston College 34, Clemson 33 (2OT)
Amidst the pungent debris of most of last week in the conference, this one came out smelling like a rose. First of all, both teams displayed basic and fundamental concepts of good offensive football, which was nary to be found in ACC-Land lo these past few weeks. When all was said and done, this one really came down to Clemson's having the ball 1st and goal on the Eagle 2 in the latter half of the first OT, and then promptly retreating several yards on the next 2 downs and settling for a Jad Dean field goal. Forget questionable officiating, blocked extra points, and such. The Tigers had the game on the BC 2 with a fresh set of downs, and folded. But many thanks to the Tigers and Eagles for a bang-up game and a measure of hope that all is not lost in the ACC this season.

Georgia Tech 38, Samford 6
Sorry Jacket fans, but y'all are in trouble. Reggie Ball has morphed completely into Chris Rix, while Patrick Nix has mind-melded with Jeff Bowden. The Tech offense managed to put up just 24 points on the scoreboard against 1-AA Samford, with the stellar Yellow Jacket D running two Bulldog INTs into the end zone for the difference. Tech is now the Coastal Division equivalent to Florida State, and I mean that as an insult.

Maryland 24, Middle Tennessee 10
Not much to analyze here. Sam Hollenbach was his usual unspectacular self, although with no picks on the stat sheet. Lance Ball and Keon Lattimore look to be a nice 1-2 punch in the running game, while unfortunately the receiving corps is so uninspiring that I couldn't even tell you who the two starting Terp WRs even are. Hell, even the AP beat writer was searching for something, anything, to write about regarding this game. I've read longer recaps about the local Rotary Club pinochle prelims.

Virginia 13, Wyoming 12 (OT)
I'm pretty sure there was an even lower scoring OT game somewhere in recent NCAA history, but certainly not one more boring. 6-6 at the end of regulation. Just over 200 yards total offense for the Cavaliers in an overtime game. The lone bright spot for UVA was the defensive performance, holding the Cowboys to just over 300 yards after Pitt dominated the Wahoo D like Dave Wannstedt groupies at the Annual Kick-Ass/Take-Names Mustache Convention.

Miami 51, Florida A&M 10
Quite possibly the two most intriguing stats you'll see all year....Miami increased their rushing output by 16,950% from the Florida State game (339 yards vs. 2 yards), while Florida A&M ran for 8,900% more yardage (89 yards vs. 1 yard) than the Seminoles did against the Canes. Math is cool.

Florida State 24, Troy 17
Troy 3 - Florida State 0, at the half. Troy 17 - Florida State 10, mid 4th-quarter. In Tallahassee. Granted, Troy beat Missouri handily in 2004, and took LSU to the wire in Baton Rouge that same year, but something is so very wrong with the Florida State offense, the 119th rated (out of 119 for those keeping score at home) rushing offense in terms of yards per carry. That's 0.9 yards per carry, or 32 inches per rush. If Drew Weatherford just fell forward every down, that would surpass the current FSU output. This is the result of the spring and summer running game crash course headed up by Jeff Bowden? And Florida State University actually has a nepotism policy, which athletic director Dave Hart - to his everlasting regret and shame - allowed Bobby Bowden to circumvent when St. Mark Richt The Competent departed for Georgia. Although the Nole D got sliced and diced a bit too much by Trojan QB Omar Haugabrook, they slammed the door in the 4th quarter, setting up the go ahead score with a Buster Davis INT. I'd pay mad money to see a Mickey Andrews-Jeff Bowden cage match.


Fredo mucks up yet another weekly family business venture

And with this, I close the book on the first two horrid weeks of the 2006 ACC football season. Let us never speak of this again.

Coming Soon to John Swofford's Office Wall

*Apologies to Virginia Tech, Boston College, Clemson, and to a lesser extent Georgia Tech, who have generously managed not to mortally embarrass the conference so far this season

God Help ACC Offenses

If Florida State's 13-10 win at Miami - along with the ACC results for this weekend - are any indication, I expect plenty of 14-10, 17-6, 13-3 type games in the league this year. And that's fine. Great defense is just as good, if not better, than high-flying offense.

But, if those scores indicate less than 50% QB completion percentage, abnormally low rushing stats, and high turnover rates, then Houston....or Greensboro, more accurately....we have a problem.